Oh, to be an ant

A children's poem. A few grownups might like it, too.

For Christina Ribbens, for all the ways she makes us laugh. All rights reserved, 2025.

An illustration from Lazy Tommy Pumpkinhead by William Pène du Bois. It has nothing to do with this poem except for its general lethargy and that Z is a letter.

Oh, to be an ANT -

for just one minute

such energy and purpose

if somewhat scattered

The things I could do!

with four extra legs

and not enough of a brain

to care if any of it mattered

~~~

Oh, to be a BEATNIK -

beating on bongos

sticking it to the man

in my fashionable beret

Or to be a CHIROPRACTOR -

I’d set people straight

Crack! Bam! Boom!

and on your way

~~~

Oh, to be DYSTOPIA -

dark and mechanical

though slightly dysfunctional

with way too much hope

Or maybe an EAGLE -

circling far overhead

with my own special skullcap

as if I were Pope

~~~

Oh, to be a FIREPLUG -

sittin’ ‘round doing nothin’

‘cept to spray children

and for doggy relief

Better yet a GIRAFFE -

majestic neck soaring

orange against blue

for some afternoon leaf

~~~

Oh, to be a HIPPO -

on top of a hill!

I’d turn on my side

and roll all the way down

Or how about INDIGO -

mixed on a palette

but eventually covered

by some rude chestnut brown

~~~

Oh, to be a JUNTA -

how I’d secretly plot

to turn swords into plowshares

(not the other way round)

Or rather a KITE -

flying high in the sky

except when I didn’t

then I’d thump to the ground

~~~

Oh, to be a LLAMA -

with an extra L for good measure

I’d spit and I’d scowl

at no extra charge

Oooh if I were a MAELSTROM -

how the sailors would fear me!

I’d churn up lost treasure

and wash it onto their barge

~~~

Oh, to be a NICKEL -

neither cobalt nor copper

I’d spin on the table

then fall through the joints

Or better an ORYX -

just to have a cool name

useful for Scrabble

up to sixty-six points!

~~~

Oh, to be a PLATYPUS -

no one wants to be a platypus

that’s me in third grade

wearing purple and pink

Or to be a QUARTERMASTER -

in charge of everything generally

I’d give folks what they wanted

up to new kitchen sinks

~~~

Oh, to be a RODEO -

bucking expectations

with cartwheeling cowboys

from Tucson or Boise

Or how about a SLOTH -

I’d sloth around all day long

but with super sharp nails

in case something annoys me

~~~

Oh, to be TINSEL -

overrated and lazy

I’d appear once a year

then under the rug

Or - don’t say it! - a UNICORN -

that’s what everyone expects

but if everyone’s a unicorn

at least no one’s a slug

~~~

Oh, to be a VIOLA -

a chubby violin

but still fit as a fiddle

and sometimes on key

Or what if a WOMBAT -

people would think I could fly

but I’d just womp on the ground

and burrow under their tree

~~~

Oh, to be X-RAY SPECS -

straight from a comic book

I’d make everything squirrelly

for just $9.97

Or perhaps yet a YURT -

I’d keep people dry

but if they used too much heat

then I’d soar to the heavens

~~~

Oh, to be a ZEPPELIN -

not the kind that blows up

but the kind that floats by

peacefully I assume

I’d fly banners and shoot flares

wishing well wishers well

still I guess in the end

I’d end up going BOOM

~~~

Or oh, to be… ME -

just me after all

if we’re all in a pod

in the pod we’re still peas

The things I could do!

if I would only remember

I don’t have to be anything

… anything but me

~~~

Some kind of ABC’s chart from an obscure French book on Hergé and the arts.